The Melody Haunts My Reverie
by borntodanceninefour
Summary: Edward's POV from after returning from Italy. Can he earn back Bella's trust, and what issues must they face now? "She deserved better than me, than someone who was constantly risking her life and putting her in danger― just by my presence alone."
1. I Cannot Sleep, I Cannot Dream Tonight

**Thanks to the brilliant **_Smileazf _**for being such a great beta!**

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I looked down at her sleeping form, wrapped tightly in her thick blue quilt. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. I took a deep breath, breathing in her enticing scent.

The burning pounded in my throat, and I invited the familiar fire in. It was a reminder of what I hadn't had in the last seven months― what I had now.

That is, if she still wanted me back.

I wouldn't blame her if she didn't accept me now. I had left her, and I had lied. I had committed a heinous crime when I had told Bella that I didn't love her. There was no way that someone couldn't love that angel.

I was brought out of my reverie by Bella's beautiful, magnificent voice. She murmured my name, and for a moment, I was sure she had woken. I flew into the shadow beside her closet, not wanting to get caught. Who knew how she'd react to me now?

She whispered my name again, followed by "I love you," and I knew that she hadn't awoken; she was simply talking in her sleep.

This was just like the first time I had stolen into her room in the dead of night. The feeling of electricity shot through me then as well as now when my name sounded from her lips.

I smiled despite myself. How many times had I envisioned her familiar sleep-mumbling while I was gone? Too many times to count, that was the answer.

I slowly slipped out of my hiding place and knelt down next to her bed. I folded my arms in front of me on her bedspread, and leaned my head forward so that our faces were mere centimeters apart.

Her sweet, intoxicating breath blew cool across my face, and I reached out to stroke her cheek with the pad of my thumb. Even in her sleep, Bella blushed. I felt my lips curl up into a small smile at the appealing sight. I pulled back carefully and raised myself up to my feet so I could take in the full view of her.

She was gorgeous and exquisite, even in slumber. Her warm brown tresses fanned out beneath her, framing her pale, ivory face. Her full cherry red lips were parted slightly, quietly taking in air. I was mesmerized by the wonder in front of me; I couldn't get enough. She looked so alluring, such a vision; I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from jumping into bed with her and kissing her ardently.

Her eyes were closed, but I imagined those chocolate brown orbs and found myself kneeling once again next to her bed beside her. I could get lost in those deep oceans if I wasn't careful. I kissed each of her eyelids ever-so-gently, taking care not to wake her.

Her breathing sped up for a moment, and I smiled at her body's constant reaction to my touch. The grin slipped from my face as I wondered if this would still happen after tomorrow morning.

I had messed up, and I knew it. I had thought that leaving was the best option at the time― no, not _best_… the only option for Bella. If I wanted her to be safe and happy, I'd have to leave. I had stuck by this firmly when I had presented my idea to my family.

I let my mind remember that day, when I had told them we were leaving.

It seemed like just yesterday. Well, it technically was the last day I had considered my life as living.

_It was the middle of the night, on September 13th_―_Bella's eighteenth birthday._

_After she had fallen asleep, I had waited until I was positively sure that she was out cold, before I had stolen out her window and into the black cover of the night._

_Usually, the wind whipping through my hair as I ran was exhilarating, the feel of the night like a comfortable blanket wrapped around me. Tonight, I could not take ease in these familiarities. Instead I ran with my head down, blinking back the tears that I knew couldn't come._

_I arrived at my house at a little past one in the morning. Carlisle and Esme were finishing up cleaning the house from the disastrous attempt at a birthday party. They were in the kitchen, throwing away the remnants of the glass table._

_Alice__entered the house mere seconds after I had; she had just come back from finding Jasper. They headed straight for the stairs, wanting to be alone in their bedroom to think._

"_Alice, Jasper. Carlisle, Esme. Emmett, Rosalie." I called their names at a conversational level; I knew they'd be able to hear me regardless._

_Esme flitted into the room, followed by Carlisle close behind. Emmett walked at a slightly slower pace, and Rosalie entered a bit behind him. Jasper and Alice turned around and stepped closer into the semi-circle they had formed._

_My voice was grave when I addressed them all._

"_We have to leave."_

"_What do you mean, Edward?" Esme's voice was soft._

"_I mean that we all have to leave Forks. We have to... leave behind... Bella." I let out my breath sharply. No one else dared breathe, or even move._

_For a moment, everything was silent_―_even their thoughts. Then, everything exploded all at once._

"_What do you mean?" Emmett screeched. "You can't do that to Bella_― _we can't do that to her!"_

_I just shook my head at him, not meeting his gaze… glare was more like it, though._

"_Maybe you should rethink this, son," Carlisle whispered, almost imperceptibly._

_I just shook my head again._

"_No," I said. "I've already made the decision. You all have to be gone by the end of the week."_

"_Edward," Esme said. "There has to be some other solution to this. If you want..." She trailed off and swallowed uncomfortably, letting her mind continue the rest. 'We could go away, and you could stay here… with Bella.'_

_I could see the dead look in her eyes, and I spoke quickly to relieve her._

"_No, Esme. I'm leaving, too. Seriously, what did I expect to happen? It would be selfish of me to stay with her. She'd get older… I'd stay young." I took a deep breath and held it, letting my right hand fly up to pinch the bridge of my nose. I shook my head vigorously, shaking the image out of my head― the image where I stayed with Bella until her..._end_._

_Emmett turned suddenly to Alice._

"_Did you see this, Alice? Did you know this was going to happen?" he demanded._

"_No," she insisted, leaning against Jasper. "I was… busy… checking on… other things."_

_I knew she was talking about looking out for Jasper after what had happened tonight. And I was glad― I didn't want anyone aware of this until it was necessary. And now, it was necessary._

_Rosalie spoke up then, surprising us all._

"_I don't want to move again. All this girl has been to our family is an inconvenience… and now we have to_move_for her?"_

_Emmett put a restraining hand on his wife's shoulder. She shrugged it off and stomped upstairs to her room. We heard the door slam, rattling on its hinges. Emmett shot me an apologetic look before darting up the stairs behind Rosalie._

"_Edward, there's got to be a better way to do this. You can't leave Bella."_

"_I'm positive about this, Carlisle. I'm not budging. I don't want to do this, but I have to. I have to make her safe." My voice broke on the last word, and suddenly, Alice had thrown her little arms around my waist._

"_Oh, Edward! Please don't do this! You are going to regret this." She stepped back a bit. "Just let me show you." She closed her eyes and her mind began its whirlwind transition into a vision. I jumped forward and shook her tiny shoulders; perhaps I was a little too violent, as I heard Jasper growl beside me. I ignored him and addressed my sister._

"_Alice, no! We are not staying. And further more, you are not to look into her future…at_all_. Do you understand?" She nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on the floor. I looked up at the rest of my family members._

"_That goes for the rest of you, too. We've done enough damage here. We've inflicted enough pain on Bella's life." I closed my eyes when I said her name, and her beautiful face flashed behind my eyelids. I quickly opened my eyes again, not able to bear it._

"_Edward," Alice said slowly. I nodded, letting her know to continue. "When can we say goodbye to her? I want to let her know that I'll miss her."_

_I bit my lip to keep from crying out with the aching pain my heart was currently suffering. When I spoke, my voice was barely audible._

"_You can't do that Alice. There will be no... goodbyes." It hurt to even think the words. "'A clean break.' It's the only way... She'll heal quicker..."_

"_And what about us, Edward?" Jasper asked. "Will we heal? Will our family heal?"_

Will you heal? _he thought silently._

_The rest of my family didn't say anything, but I could hear their agreement in their minds._

_I ignored Jasper's final comment._

"_In time..." I said, looking out the window-wall towards the river. It was late at night and dark out, but I could see just fine. A small doe had its head bent down, lapping up a steady stream of water. As I spoke these words, his head flew up, and his eyes grew wide. I let out the breath I hadn't noticed I'd been holding, and he turned and fled into the surrounding forest._

"_That's not fair Edward!" Alice's small voice pulled my thoughts away from the deer, and my eyes flashed immediately to her face. I could hear Emmett's deep growl showing his accord from upstairs, as he tried unsuccessfully to pacify Rosalie. "Bella's my best friend, Edward. She's not only dear to you..." she trailed off when she saw the fire in my golden eyes. She saw she couldn't win this one; I was determined..._

"_And where do you propose we go now?" Carlisle asked. I looked at him and Esme, standing with their hands intertwined, and I shut my eyes. I couldn't take any shows of affection at the moment._

"_I suggest you guys go up to Alaska. I'm sure Tanya's family would appreciate you guys staying with them."_

_My use of the second person did not go unnoticed by them._

"_You do not wish to come with us, Edward?" Esme's delicate voice had her looking so very feeble. She tried to compose her face and thoughts before she upset me further, but the attempt was halfhearted._

"_No, Esme. I do not wish to follow you all."_

_Alice opened her mouth to ask where I was going, but quickly shut it again as a vision popped up in her mind. I watched along with her as I saw myself through her thoughts._

_I was on my side, curled up in a fetal position, on a rotting wooden floor. The room looked quite small, and the darkness was such that no human would be able to see an inch in front of them. I kept whispering one word, over and over again... 'Bella.'_

_It seemed fitting, and I nodded to myself back in the present. It seemed like this would be the perfect setting for me... Wherever 'this' was..._

_It looked on the outside as I felt on the inside._

_Emmett came down then, dragging an unwilling Rosalie behind him. She folded her arms across her chest in an act of resistance and talked in an icy, bitter tone._

"_We just moved here, Edward, and already you want us to go again_― _You want us to start over._

"_Rosalie," Emmett warned, and when he said those words, her resolve faltered. Her mindset changed for just barely a nano-second before she collected herself again_―_but it was more than enough time for me to see what she was hiding._

_I could see the real reason behind her anger, her resentment. This had nothing to do with having to move_― _but it had everything to do with our family's emotions._

_She was afraid of what this would do to us all_―_and frankly, so was I._

_But I was not worried enough to not follow this through._

_I had made a decision, and I fully intended on sticking by it._

I could see the error of my ways now.

As I stared down at my love, the bearer of my heart, the reason for my existence, I couldn't help shuddering as I remembered how it had been without her. My life had lost all its meaning, and nothing was right. The darkness had shrouded my life so fully, and I had embraced it. Because feeling nothing was better than feeling that torturous, unending, agonizing pain that came with being without Bella.

I hadn't even gone home yet since we had arrived back in Forks from Italy. I was still too scared that that feeling would return, no matter how long it would be for. I couldn't be separated from her now― it was entirely too excruciating.

I thought about what tomorrow would bring. What if Bella decided that I wasn't worth all the trouble she had been through? Heaven knows my family had put her through the tumbler many a time over the last year.

She deserved better than me. She deserved better than someone who was constantly risking her life and putting her in danger― just by my presence alone.

But I was too selfish.

I knew that I would beg if I needed to. I would apologize and try to make her see just how sorry I was.

And if she couldn't accept that, well…. Well, I wouldn't accept it…. But I wouldn't deny her her rights and feelings, either.

I would always be there, watching over her― her silent, invisible protector. Her guardian… what? Certainly not angel. No, just her… guardian.

I stood up and walked around to the other side of her bed at a human speed. I examined her from all angles, watching the soft rise and fall of her chest as she inhaled and exhaled.

I reached the other side of her bed and cocked my head slightly, running my eyes up and down her body, memorizing every twist and curve of her figure.

I stepped a bit closer to the wooden frame of her bed. I placed once hand on the mattress and leaned forward, bringing my other hand up to rest on the back of her head. I ran my fingers lightly through her smooth hair, reveling in the scent of strawberries that was released into the air.

I slipped into the bed beside her, pulling the blanket up just enough and sliding my legs underneath it. I faced her back and wrapped my arm around her waist, snuggling myself closer to her. I burrowed my face into her neck, closed my eyes, and breathed deeply.

I loved the sweet smell of my Bella. She smelled like honey, and lilac, and summer, and the best of all… freesia. That flower had never smelled the same to me after I had met her.

No, nothing smelled as amazingly pure and as tempting as my beloved.

I tightened my hold on her and scooted closer, pressing my body up behind her securely.

I had at least a few more definite hours with my angel, and I intended to spend them all here, content by her side.

I began to hum a tune that I hadn't played in the last seven months.

And as I let the melody of Bella's lullaby drift across the dark room, I fell into the closest thing a vampire can experience to a slumber.

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**Musical Inspiration: **_I Miss You _**by **_Blink 182_

**Did you guys like it? Please review and let me know!**

**Xoxo,**

**Michelle (:**


	2. Never Simple, Never Easy

**This chapter is split into two parts: Italy and Forks.**

**Thanks to my beautiful beta, **_Smileazf_**. I owe you one, babe. :D**

**Disclaimer: My number one Christmas wish is to become Stephenie Meyer, but we've still got a bit of time till that holiday. So, until then, I'm just boring old Michelle, who doesn't own Twilight….**

**Dialogue from "Forks" comes from pages 500- 512 of **_New Moon_**.**

**Italy:**

I stared up at the clock tower, relishing in the moment. In mere minutes, I would possibly be with my love again.

At first, when I had learned of her… _death_― the word was still hard for me to say… I had felt like I would drown in all the emotion that overtook me. The darkness seemed impenetrable, and I couldn't suppress those heart-tearing shudders as I lay in the dark attic, crying out my angel's name.

It had gotten the slightest bit better when I realized the simple solution to it all― all I had to do was ensure my own demise, and soon enough, we'd be together again. And this time, it would surely be for eternity.

Like I'd once said to her: There was no way I'd live in a world where she no longer existed.

Unfortunately, this all rested on whether or not I truly had a soul― and whether or not there was a place for my kind to go after our "death." Or whatever you cared to call our ending.

For the sake of my sanity in my final moments, I chose to believe ― to hope, really― that I would go on, in a way, after this was all over.

I just had to see my love again. That was all I truly wanted.

I heard the first chime of the clock, and I looked out from my hiding place in the alley's shadow towards the busy, thrumming square.

I had picked the perfect day for this― St. Marcus Day. There was no way the Volturi would let me survive this.

The people in the square were all going about their lives, having a great time, not knowing what lurked in the shadows of life, quite literally. I felt weird staring at these _happy_,_ normal_ people. Those words just didn't make sense to me anymore… they felt foreign, alien.

_Just a bit longer now_.

The clock's bell tolled once more. I took my time unbuttoning my white shirt, letting my fingers toy with each button gradually, giving personal attention to each one.

I held my arms back and let the shirt fall back and off of my body, where it fell in a small, wrinkled heap at the mouth of the narrow passage.

_Almost time now_.

I looked out again at the people gathered for today's celebration.

There was a small family near where I stood, but I looked past them, at two people in particular.

A fair-haired teenager stood with his arm around a redheaded girl who looked around his age― about 18 or so. They were staring into each other's eyes as if the whole world were to be witnessed within. I couldn't help but be captivated by their obvious love― but I doubted it could ever even begin to trump what Bella and I had felt. She reached for his hand, and they both broke out in huge smiles as they leaned ever closer to each other.

Their lips met just as another deep boom resounded from the clock tower.

_So close now._

I stared at them through one more toll of the clock, before I took a moment to check on my "watchers."

The "voices" of the Volturi guards' minds were seemingly everywhere, filling me with more anticipation. I knew the final deed would be quick and efficient― I would be no match for them, as I wouldn't even try to fight back.

My attempts at subterfuge earlier had all been in vain― they had barely even considered granting my wish for death before they had dismissed me. But now, now there was no possible way I'd get away this time.

The clock tolled again.

_We're almost there._

I could tell from the thoughts of the nearby family that they were beginning to get suspicious, but I ignored them.

I tried to clear my mind of all the thoughts around me. Apparently, there was some strange commotion going on near the fountain, but I didn't have time to care― nor did I really wish to care.

I wanted my last moments to be peaceful, filled with thoughts of my dear, sweet Bella.

My wish, my own command.

Just as I had thought that, her voice came into my mind. I had realized sometime during the last seven months that if I did something that I knew she'd not approve of, I could hear Bella's voice, clear as a bell, ringing in my head. She sounded reproachful now.

_Please, Edward. Don't do this_!

_So soon, Bella_, I thought back. _So soon until we can be together again_.

_No, Edward! Stay alive! Go back to your family! Think of how this will affect them! Think of Carlisle, think of Esme_.

I didn't let thoughts of my darling adopted mother fill my mind. In fact, I purposely kept memories of my family out.

_Bella, just think! So soon and I can hold you in my arms again._

Bella answered this time just as the clock tower chimed. I could barely hear her voice over the loud sound. Although the volume was a bit lower, somehow, her tone was clearer― as if she truly were here in the square with me.

"Edward, no!" I smiled at the recognition of her voice. It seemed as though the closer I got to my death, the clearer my memory of her became. I had thought I'd been getting her voice exactly right all this time, but now I could see I had been just a little bit off. I hadn't quite heard such urgency in her voice before…. I loved it.

I closed me eyes tightly, conjuring up all the memories of our time together.

The day I saved her from Tyler's van, the first night I visited her while she slept, the dinner at Port Angeles, the Meadow, all those other times I had watched my love sleep, when I had saved her from James, the prom, our last night together….

I could feel the sunlight ricocheting off the stone road in front of the alley and indirectly hitting my chest. I knew it would sparkle in the slightest, and for once, I didn't think of it as the skin of a monster. The grin widened on my face.

The clock struck once again.

_It's time now...._

_Goodbye, Bella. I will see you so very soon...._

The final toll of the clock reverberated throughout the still air around me. I composed my face and took a deep breath as I stepped towards the sunlight.

"No!" her voice continued to beg of me. "Edward, look at me!"

I couldn't help but smile faintly at the sound of her voice.

_I love you, Bella_, I whispered in my head as I took the conclusive step that would expose me for what I truly was….

As soon as the very tip of my toe reached the cobble ground, I felt something slam into me.

I could feel it was a person, and, wondering who it was that would be here to meet me first in this "afterlife," I caught them and helped them to steady themselves.

I opened my eyes unhurriedly, giving myself time to adjust to the fact that I had truly pulled it off.

The shock that filled me as soon as my eyes were fully open was tinged with awe and excitement.

"Amazing," I breathed, knowing I'd never again let go of this beauty.

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me― now, Bella truly was an angel, in my very own heaven….

**Forks:**

I'd been remembering Italy when Bella finally began to stir in my arms.

She shifted infinitesimally under the covers and she sighed loudly. Her beautiful brow creased, almost as if with confusion. I pressed the tips of my fingers against her forehead gently, trying to smooth away her worry.

She closed her eyes more fiercely, and she flipped her head over to the other side.

She sighed despairingly and opened her eyes quickly. We looked at each other for the briefest moment― less than a millisecond― with shock and wonder.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, before closing her eyes even faster than she'd opened them. She fisted her hands and crossed them hurriedly over her eyelids.

Uh-oh. I must have scared her. I knew I shouldn't have hovered so close to her. She already probably hated me, why did I have to go and give her one more reason to do so?

She slowly drew her lids back up, and I backed up a bit to give her some more room.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked, letting sorrow color my tone so she could hear my repent.

She just blinked, and, at first, I figured maybe she was still half asleep.

"Oh, _crap_," she groaned groggily, sliding her arms down and away from her face until they came to rest at her sides.

I was worried. What had made my love upset?

Oh! _I_ must have upset her. I just knew this wouldn't work out….

"What's wrong, Bella?" I inquired, just wanting to make sure.

Her grimace just made me grow even more uneasy. It was times like this that I wished ever harder that I could gain access to her thoughts.

"I'm dead, right?" she muttered. She pushed out her lower lip slightly and it trembled. "I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

Typical Bella― always putting others before herself….

"You're not dead," I whispered, my stomach tightening at the implications of her previous words.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she demanding, arching her eyebrows quizzically.

"You _are_ awake, Bella," I insisted. Always so stubborn, my Bella. Well, I couldn't be sure about the 'my' part just yet.

She shook her head at me obstinately.

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If_ I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renée and Jake…" her eyes grew wide, as did mine.

This was not how it was supposed to happen. I had been willing to beg for her love back, but here she was trying to convince herself she was dreaming, or worse― dead― just because of my presence. No, this wasn't going well at all.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I huffed. I smiled dourly at it all for a short second. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" I joked. The truth was, there was no possible way that Bella could ever go to hell. Her heart was so big it wouldn't be able to fit through the gates.

She scowled at me, and I shifted my position slightly so that she sat up a bit with me.

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I heaved a sigh. Apparently, not only did Bella not see _herself_ clearly, but she didn't see me clearly, either.

Her eyes flew to the window momentarily before swinging back around to look at me once more. I watched dawn brake over her face as the realization hit. I smiled as her cheeks heated and turned a delicious shade of light pink.

"Did all of that really happen, then?" She asked, amazement seeping into her tone. She looked a bit dizzy.

I smiled tightly at my love.

"That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

One side of her mouth raised in a wonderful half smile.

"How strange." She smiled faintly. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I huffed and rolled my eyes at her words as I slowly shook my head back and forth. This was quite unconventional, as paths our conversation could have taken went.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore," she persisted, sitting up just a little more. "What time is it?" she hedged. "How long have I been sleeping?"

I tried to play it cool, not wanting to let her know that I'd been counting exactly this, down to the very last second.

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

Fourteen hours, seventeen minutes, and thirty-two seconds, to be exact.

She stretched out her fragile body, wincing at how taut she must have been. I hadn't remembered Bella ever having slept that long before.

"Charlie?" she questioned.

I grimaced. After I had laid Bella in her bed earlier, Charlie had screeched at me that I was no longer allowed in his house― as well as I was not to be anywhere near his daughter. He had said some other things, words that I hadn't even known that Charlie had in his vocabulary. I had taken it all in silence, too shocked by his accompanying mental pictures to say anything. It was so painful to see her through his mind― to see how she had been while I'd been away. I'd thought I was the only who had been like that. But it seemed as though she had gotten better after awhile, so, maybe she had moved on. That thought was so excruciating.

She was looking at me, clearly waiting for an answer.

"Sleeping," I said. I thought it might be best if I made her aware of the situation. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in through the window…." There's always a loophole. "But, still, the intent was clear."

In an instant, her incredulity gave way to bright red anger. I watched it all change on her face in silence.

"Charlie banned you from the house?" she asked furiously.

I sighed. I had deserved what Charlie had said, but, yet, here she was, trying to defend me. She had to learn that she couldn't always be a friend to every creature.

"Did you expect anything else?"

She pursed her lips. Then, suddenly, her eyes had mellowed down. True curiosity was evident in her expression.

"What's the story?" she asked.

I was confused.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for… how long was I gone, anyway?" Her eyes darted down as her forehead scrunched up― she was obviously trying to figure how long she'd been away for.

"Just three days," I answered, narrowing my eyes. "Actually," I continued, giving a halfhearted smile, "I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

She whimpered, and I longed to hold her tight so nothing could ever bother her again.

"Fabulous," she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I proposed, trying to soothe her. I smiled lightly as I saw her eyes relax.

"So," she said, and I was immediately worried by her inquisitive tone. Oh, no. Here it comes.

"What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

I instantly guarded my expression, not wanting to give anything away.

"Nothing terribly exciting," I offered.

"Of course not," she muttered, scowling.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well." Her face grew thoughtful as she contemplated for a moment. "If you were, after all, just a dream…" I groaned inwardly at her words. "… that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

This time, I sighed out loud.

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she scoffed, breathing out heavily and shaking her head in disbelief. I raised my eyebrows in anticipation of her answer. "Maybe. If you tell me."

I thought I'd give her the basics, the bare minimum.

"I was… hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I paused for a moment, not sure how much information I should disclose.

"I wasn't hunting for food… I was actually trying my hand at… tracking. I'm not very good at it," I stammered stupidly.

"What were you tracking?" she questioned.

I couldn't let her know the true reason; I didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

"Nothing of consequence," I mumbled, trying to clear my face of the obvious upset.

"I don't understand."

Of course not.

I wavered for a second before speaking.

"I―" I sighed heavily. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that." She couldn't even know. "But you have to know," I began speaking quickly just then, trying to get all the words out of my mouth before I could take them back, "that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria―" I growled and spit the word, making her name sound like a horrible curse― "would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her." Who would have thought? "That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now― she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her." She must have underestimated our family's ability, our perseverance and determination. "It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him― that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there." That, and the fact that her mind was pure evil.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face," I continued. "When I heard what you told Alice― what she saw for herself―" what I had seen in Charlie's mind― "when I realized that you had put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself―" I had to pause for a second to regain control of my emotions, breathing in and out deeply. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms." I needed to let her see just how sorry I felt, and just horrible I knew I was. "I am the most miserable excuse for―"

"Stop." She cut me off and I tried to relax, to clear the anguish from my eyes. She calmed her face before continuing.

"Edward," she said, and I loved the way her voice sounded when she said my name. "This has to stop now." My smile faded as I realized that she no longer wanted to be with me. I was about to speak, to plead my case, but she kept talking. "You can't think about things that way. You can't let this… this _guilt_… rule your life." What was she talking about? "You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time,―" I couldn't help but wince at her words― "you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible― think of Esme and Carlisle and―"

I had stayed quiet while she had her little speech, but I had to stop her now, while she took an uneven breath. I couldn't believe she felt this way! She had it so very wrong!

"Isabella Marie Swan," I murmured. I couldn't honestly fathom why she would ever jump to such conclusions. It was quite frustrating. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?" The idea was utterly preposterous, and I was just barely able to contain the slightly hysterical laughter that threatened to bubble up in my throat.

She looked instantly puzzled.

"Didn't you?" she queried.

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend." More than anyone would ever be able to imagine.

"Then… what are you saying? I don't understand."

I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't sure she'd ever truly understand exactly what I meant and what I felt, so instead I did my best to answer her question.

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead." Even now, the words were hard for me to say. I narrowed my eyes as I tried to keep my thoughts in the present, out of and away from bad memories. "Even if I'd had no hand in your… death―" I closed my eyes and my body shook slightly at such a curse word― "even if it _wasn't_ my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful― I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie." God knows I'd never make _that_ mistake again! "But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

"The odds…," I trailed off, looking past Bella and out the window into the night. I spoke softly as I went on. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

Fate had brought Bella and me together, yet obvious forces were at work, trying to tear us apart. First, with making her scent so addicting to me, then with James, and at the birthday party, the whole Italy situation, the Volturi, and, finally, now….

So far, we hadn't met one obstacle which had been successful. But, as they said, the night was still young. Quite literally now, too. Bella still had time to reject me. It seemed quite ironic that raging, sadistic vampires couldn't keep us apart, but one simple decision could.

"But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?"

Not it was my turn to be confused.

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was_ dead?"

I was filled with shock, followed by dread. This was not going well at all. I probably should have conferred with Alice before talking to Bella. This was going all wrong, and there would be no second chances this time to make things right again.

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?" I knew _I _did; I'd never forget. I had declared my love for her countless times.

She looked down and scowled at the comforter, playing with a loose thread. I placed my finger beneath her chin and lifted her face until our gazes locked.

"I remember _everything_ that you told me," she admitted.

I moved my finger up and swept it softly against her precious lower lip. I smiled grimly and shook my head at the irony of it all― that Bella thought I could live a day without loving her.

"I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

I thought back to that day so long ago― the one that somehow felt like forever ago, yet somehow also just like yesterday. Before Bella's party, we had sat together watching _Romeo and Juliet_― well, _she_ had watched it… I had been watching _her_. I had told her after about my… _contingency plans_. I had let her know that there was no way I would spend a single day in a world where was gone.

And then I had gone and told her otherwise….

"I am…" She struggled to find proper words, looking dazed and disoriented. She settled for, "Confused."

I leant in closer to her, letting her sweet, cool breath intoxicate me― dazzle me.

"I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

Her eyes widened in horror, and the pain in her expression was unbearable for me to watch. I took her shoulders in my hands and shook her gently to get her to focus on my next words.

"Let me finish!" I said, willing her with my eyes to pay attention. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I cringed. "That was… excruciating." Intolerable, agonizing, insufferable, horrendous, awful, painful, heartbreaking… the list goes on….

"When we were in the forest," I continued, "when I was telling you goodbye―" I kept my thoughts from straying to memories of that night. It didn't matter now. It had happened, it was in the past. What mattered now was that I was here, with Bella, and I had one more chance to redeem myself.

"You weren't going to let go," I murmured, stroking her cheek lovingly. She remained frozen. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it― it felt like it would kill me to do it― but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she muttered, her body still in obvious astonishment. I didn't know whether this was a good thing, or a bad thing.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible― that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head." I had thought the knowledge of my love for her would have been ingrained into her brain. "I lied, and I'm so sorry― sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

"But how could you believed me?" I continued, not even bothering to mask my surprise. "After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?" More importantly, how could _I_ have let one word break her faith in me? How could I have ever even tried to leave her in the first place? Being with her here, now, made me realize that I'd never leave her… ever again. And even if she didn't choose me today, I would still be there, watching over her silently… _forever_….

She didn't say anything, so I went on.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept― as if there were any way _I_ could exist without needing _you_!" The notion was so outrageous, so outlandish! Every minute― every second of my life― I lived it for her… solely for my angel. Had I a heart, I was positive its every beat would be for Bella.

I shook her shoulders softly again.

"Bella," I whispered. "Really, what were you thinking!"

And then she did the most preposterous thing― she began to cry. The sound was so depressing to hear. I was about to comfort her when she spoke up.

"I knew it." Her voice was slightly muffled from the tears, and she was sniffling miserably. "I _knew_ I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I said, heaving a sigh. I laughed harshly once at the turn this conversation had taken. Here I was, trying to _convince_ Bella of my love. How absurd!

"How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead." Certainly, God forbid. "I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away." Every painful, heartrending second. "When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She began shaking her head back and forth, continuing to cry.

"You don't believe me, do you? Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?" Why was it so hard for her to believe that I truly loved her?

"It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that," she whimpered. When she said this, she looked so helpless. I couldn't help but let my arms trail down and intertwine my fingers with hers. I gave a reassuring squeeze. Then I tightened my eyes.

"I'll prove you're awake," I swore, locking my jaw fiercely. I let go of her hands and reached for her face, holding her still with my hands on her cheeks.

I lowered my face until we were less than an inch away from each other.

"Please don't," she begged quietly.

"Why not?" I insisted. Her saccharine breath was distracting me, and I fought to keep my attention on the words she was saying.

"When I wake up―" I began to cut her off, but she continued― "okay, forget that one― when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled back and measured her expression briefly.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much. Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to?" It was almost unbearable to say this, but it needed to be heard. "That would be… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please― just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

I waited with baited breath for her response. I was sure that, had I been human, my heart would have been ready to explode at this moment.

"Why kind of idiotic question is that?" she asked, raising one eyebrow at me.

"Just answer it. Please," I pleaded impatiently.

She scowled at me for a minute, and I began to wonder if the answer was no. I was about to stand up from the bed to leave when she finally spoke.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you― and there's nothing you can do about it!"

And there was nothing I _wanted_ to do about it. For in that moment, I felt perfectly content and at ease, and I thought my dead heart would just about burst from all the happiness that overflowed in my body.

I smiled widely, and my grin was one to rival the Cheshire Cat's.

"That's all I needed to hear."

And in an instant, my lips were on hers, and all was right in the world again.

**Songs for this chapter: **

**Italy: **_Breathe_** by **_Taylor Swift_

**Forks: **_Where We Gonna Go From Here?_** by **_Mat Kearney_

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. Check out the songs, they are truly perfect!**

**Next chapter: More from Italy, more of their morning conversation, and Edward's POV of the voting for Bella's immortality.**

**A big cyber Edward for anyone who reviews. XD**

**Xoxo,**

**Michelle (:**


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